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by Pamala Thomas
10/10/2006
Living in the Aftermath
By Levi's Lace
This is an article that shows the aftermath of what a child faces after
living in the life of abuse, of any type. Displays true emotions and
feelings and affects that carry on into adulthood.
A child's nightmare of abuse, in any form is long carried on into their
adult life. This can be seen in so many signs, and not always signs of
child abuse, but can be other signs. A child, when being abused by a close
family member, caretaker or someone close to them, loses the ability to
trust and to feel the warmth of safety, as we all know every child needs
to flourish into becoming a healthy minded and hearted adult. Deceit comes
in many forms, and can be from an emotional or mental type of abuse to the
abuse of verbal, physical and sexual.
Without being allowed to feel safe in their own home environment, they
will grow to find relationships difficult, their self esteem will be
affected and will fall, sometimes to devastating levels, their social
skills will downslide and eventually could fail totally, where they would
not be able to socialize, even as an adult. Some children will follow the
path of self destruction and bring harm to their being, either physically
or mentally, some will follow the path of under achievement and will cheat
themselves out of a quality of life that they deserve, or they may become
over achievers and drive themselves into a mental and physical breakdown,
from feeling like they are never good enough.
They can suffer from nightmares, throughout their lives, non trusting to
others, which will cause failing relationships for the rest of their
lives. They may become fearful of other people, even people they should
trust, they may continue to feel the heavy burden of shame and not even
understand why. This shame may not necessarily be from the shame that they
feel like they allowed the abuse to happen. Because no child allows this
to happen. It happens beyond their control. A child is put in a situation
that will make them fight, or run, and is really survival. Every child
wants to survive and they will be forced to find any way they can, to
survive.
Some children go through their lives feeling shame, only due to the
misbelief that they were not worthy to be treated good by their abuser or
he or she may even carry shame for their parent that should have stepped
in to protect her when needed. This senseless attack on the victim of
shame is displaced and should actually be on the abuser and the ones who
stood by. Anger will always be inside of them and they will just learn how
to control that anger, or they will release that anger in ways that are
not fair to themselves or others. if they do hold it in, they will
eventually grow in pain until the pain will surface in some way.
Some children will develop the need to control, or to be controlled. A
child will feel like they need to always be running away from people, all
people sometimes and as crazy as it may sound, they can even go through
times when they will even find themselves hiding from the cars that carry
the people, or the homes that people are in. A child that has been abused
at times will not want to be seen by anyone's eyes, because they always
feel they are below others and it can create an ugliness about them inside
they can't shed.
They may go through
flashbacks that can be extremely terrifying to a child and an adult. These
will not stop coming until, the child or adult gets help and they are REAL
to the victim at the time. Confusion can set in and leave the person not
able to think clearly, throughout their life. They may feel like they are
detached from the rest of the world, and not only can this be very lonely,
but also very frustrating when you are trying to get yourself over it and
can't find the way. Feeling detached from the rest of the world, is about
as lonely as it can get. Try to imagine yourself thinking and believing
that you are not on the same level as other worthy human beings. Feeling
walled in, and feeling like you are always trapped when you are in tight
places or people move in too close. Not being able to take compliments,
not feeling worthy and feeling ashamed when given a compliment.
They can eventually isolate themselves totally away from others. They may
be able to function just enough to have a job, and get through the work
day, but that may be as far as they go with a social life and they will
find other ways to isolate themselves at other times. They can lose their
emotions over time or they may be over emotional. They may develop fears
of men or women, can be a girl fearing women also, due to the role their
own mother might have played in their lives and did not step in to help
her. This can make that young girl grow up and not trust other women or
even possibly make them hate other women.
When a young girl gets
abused by a male, and the mother did not help, this creates more trust
issues than just what the male abuser did. This actually can affect her
life more on the other side, the women issues. Every young girl believes
that a woman was brought into this world, to be the affectionate and
loving being and when that young girl is not treated that way by her
female caretaker, trust goes out the window and even the failure to become
what she so desired her own mother to be can happen. Male victims can grow
to hate and not trust and to fear other males and females. When a young
boy is abused by a male, this can create life long problems, and although
it has not been proven to affect the sexual preferences they may have, it
does for sure affect a young boy when his body is invaded and taken by a
male abuser. This can take away their feelings of normalcy and can affect
their trust in themselves to carry on relationships with the opposite sex.
In turn they may just let themselves live up to other options. (I am not
saying any choices are wrong ) I am only saying that they may limit
themselves for years to even not having a sexual relationship because they
may not feel worthy at all.
Abused children can find themselves going down the dangerous paths of
drugs and alcohol or even abuse with food, in ways to hide the way they
feel about themselves or to ease their pain temporarily and we see what
happens when a person turns to drugs and alcohol for comfort. These
dangerous paths can lead to dangerous situations and put their lives in
danger. It can also cause so much pain and hatred that these children who
would have grown into loving adults, might instead take their hatred and
pain to the streets and cause pain on others and that is where we see
people that find themselves harming or even killing others.
Child Abuse is a terrible thing and only leads to wrong decisions and
painful truths that a child must face throughout their lives. Every child,
in order to survive child abuse, of any kind, needs something to believe
in and to find love for themselves deep down and to find a way to keep
that love alive. This is how a child can get through this and go on to
become healthy citizens for the rest of the world's sake and for their own
sake.
There are many things that we can all do to help these children while they
are small. We can begin to speak out against this crime and to teach
children how to love themselves, trust in themselves and the world, even
though they cannot see this in their own homes. Being a warm and
compassionate example to every child you meet can give this to a child in
need. Smiling an extra few seconds when you see them in the neighborhood
or grocery line. Having your son or daughter invite them over to play, if
they can, even if that child seems a little weird. After all, if every
child was going through in their homes, what these children are, wouldn't
they all be weird?
Please teach your
children the compassion of man, to reach out and go that extra mile to
make a difference in some other child's life. This one little thing that
your child can give just might be enough to keep this child around, and
give something positive to see and there might not be as many suicides as
we see in children. For us to go to bed at night and not take an extra few
minutes to say a warming prayer for that child, is the sin we are all
guilty of. To turn our heads the other way is our sin to bare. If you know
of some child who is being abused, by all means report this. Turning of
the heads only allows the perpetrators to keep doing what they are doing
and that is ruining another child's life.
Levi's Lace
Pamala Thomas, is a published author under the name of Levi's Lace. She
has written two books of poetry and songs and is currently working on
several more books that are novels and biographies. She is 47 years old,
mother of four and grandmother of seven.
Article Source: http://www.faithwriters.com
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